Same fight, different day?
Maybe you keep having versions of the same argument. You both know the script by heart, but somehow you still end up there.
One of you may push harder to talk, get answers, or feel reassured while the other shuts down, becomes defensive, or pulls away. The more one reaches, the more the other retreats—and the more the other retreats, the harder the first reaches.
Or maybe the fighting has quieted down, but so has the connection. You feel more like roommates, co-parents, or people managing a household than partners. You still care about each other, but you're not quite sure how to find your way back.
These patterns are incredibly common. And while they can feel deeply personal, they often make much more sense when we begin to understand what is happening underneath them.
Couples therapy is about understanding the pattern-
Most couples don't need someone to referee their arguments or teach them the perfect communication script.
In couples therapy, we slow things down enough to understand the cycle that has developed between you: what triggers it, how each of you responds, what you are trying to protect, and what is harder to say underneath the anger, criticism, defensiveness, or withdrawal.
Instead of seeing your partner as the problem, we begin to see the pattern between you as the problem.
That shift can create room for something different to happen.
Couples counseling can help partners who are navigating:
Recurring arguments and communication breakdowns
Emotional distance or loss of connection
Pursue-withdraw patterns
Difficulty expressing needs or responding to one another
Changes in intimacy or affection
Trust injuries, betrayal, or infidelity
Parenting disagreements and the strain of raising children together
Major life transitions and changing roles
Blended-family challenges
Stress that has begun to affect the relationship
Questions about the future of the relationship
You don't have to wait until your relationship is in crisis to begin couples therapy. Some couples come because things feel profoundly stuck. Others come because they recognize a pattern developing and want to address it before the distance becomes greater.
Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
My primary approach to couples therapy is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based model grounded in attachment science.
Attachment helps us understand why the people we love most can also evoke some of our strongest emotional reactions. When connection with an important person feels threatened, uncertain, or unavailable, our nervous systems respond.
Some of us protest—we pursue, question, criticize, demand, or try harder to get a response.
Others protect themselves by withdrawing—we become quiet, defensive, overwhelmed, numb, or focused on avoiding another conflict.
Neither partner is necessarily trying to create distance. In fact, both may be responding to how important the relationship is.
EFT helps us slow down these interactions and understand the emotions, fears, longings, and attachment needs underneath them. Over time, couples can begin responding to each other differently and develop a relationship that feels safer, more accessible, responsive, and connected.
More than communication skills
Communication matters, of course. But couples often tell me that they already know how they're supposed to communicate.
They know they're supposed to use “I” statements. They know they shouldn't interrupt. They know they should validate each other's feelings.
And then the argument happens.
When we are emotionally activated—especially with someone who matters deeply to us—knowing the right communication technique isn't always enough.
That's why my work also incorporates an understanding of attachment, conflict, and the nervous system. We look not only at what happens between you, but at what happens inside each of you when the relationship feels threatened.
The goal is not perfect communication or a conflict-free marriage. Healthy couples still disagree.
The goal is to become better able to recognize the cycle, reach for each other differently, repair when things go wrong, and remain connected even when the conversation is difficult.
My approach to relationship therapy
I bring more than 15 years of clinical experience to my work with couples and relationships.
My background includes advanced training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, attachment-based approaches, restorative practices, conflict resolution and mediation, and somatic approaches to understanding emotional regulation and the nervous system.
That combination has shaped the way I understand relationship distress: not simply as a communication problem, but as a dynamic involving attachment, emotion, history, protective responses, and the patterns two people create together.
I work collaboratively and actively with couples. I will help you slow down difficult interactions, notice patterns as they happen, understand each partner's experience, and practice new ways of reaching and responding to one another.
My role isn't to choose a side or determine which partner is “the problem.” It is to help both of you understand the relationship system you've created together—and what might allow that system to change.
Is couples therapy right for us?
You do not have to know exactly what you want from therapy before you begin.
You may simply know that you don't want to keep doing what you're doing.
If both partners are interested in exploring whether the relationship can become healthier and more connected, couples therapy can provide a place to begin that work.
If one partner is seriously considering ending the relationship while the other is committed to preserving it, traditional marriage counseling may not be the best first step. In those situations, discernment counseling may be a better fit. Discernment counseling is designed specifically to help couples gain clarity about whether to pursue couples therapy, move toward separation or divorce, or maintain the status quo for the time being.
Couples Therapy in Lafayette, Louisiana
I provide in-person couples therapy and marriage counseling from my office in Lafayette, Louisiana, as well as telehealth services for clients located anywhere in the state of LA. I am also licensed in Oregon.
My practice is especially focused on helping couples and individuals understand relationship patterns, navigate conflict and transition, and build more secure and meaningful connections.
Whether you've been together for a few years or several decades, you don't need to have the solution figured out before you come in.
Sometimes the first step is simply becoming curious about the pattern you've been caught in—and what might become possible if you begin to change it.
Ready to begin?
If you're looking for couples therapy, marriage counseling, or relationship counseling in Lafayette, I'd be glad to talk with you about whether working together might be a good fit.
Request an appointment or consultation to get started.